Memo to Jennifer

Memo to Jennifer:

Remember that hall closet that contained nothing but wrapping paper and assorted other wrapping paraphernalia? It is officially empty. I'm keeping the one bucket of wrapping paper and a handful of decorative boxes, everything else is going to the curb. Nobody else I know is allowed to get married, as I have no more wedding gift bags. I have no more shirt boxes, no more random shoe boxes, and no more plain jewelry boxes. No more scraps of wrapping paper. I even tossed five rolls of paper that I just haven't used in several years!

Now I just hope my plastic bins of crafty supplies will fit in that closet, since that was my entire motivation for cleaning it out!

And I found your beach umbrella. Want it? If not, it may follow the wrapping supplies to the curb next week!

Getting Educated

We had our pre-admission appointment at the hospital last week, which meant we could start signing up for baby classes. I didn't realize that having a baby required getting a degree, but I suppose that's a good thing. I mean, they make you get licensed to drive a car and get married, you should have some sort of paperwork saying you're qualified to take the kid home, right?

So we're going to be doing one session each of infant CPR, infant care, and breastfeeding, then four weeks of childbirth. Now, I would have thought that infant care would have required more time than childbirth, since you spend considerably more time dealing with an infant than you do actually birthing it, but whatever. I'm also not sure why we have to bring FIVE bed pillows to the first two sessions of childbirth. Seriously? I'm not sure we have five bed pillows... I've heard a rumor that when you get to the class where the anesthesiologist talks about drug options they actually show you the epi needle. I told Greg to be on the lookout for that one and to make sure I cover my eyes. There's some things I do not need time to contemplate, like the size of that needle!

Lauren's Demands

In an attempt to meet all of Lauren's demands at once, here's a picture of my beer gut standing in front of my new van. Anything else you wanted to see before July? Told you I didn't look preggers, just chubby!

Free Stuff Up For Grabs

Anybody have a use for (or know somebody with a use for) Petite Sophisticate suits in a size 4? Or a stack of other considerably less expensive business attire in a variety of sizes from 2-8? I don't mind taking most of my stuff to Goodwill, but the suits... My two really good suits... I'd totally keep the suits if I thought my rear end would ever see a size 4 again, but they were getting uncomfortable before I got pregnant. I'm keeping the dress pants that are more comfortable sizes for post-pregnancy church and such.

UPDATE - I found a home for the tiny clothes. Woo!

How about men's jeans in a 36X30?

I will have other items up for offer as I continue. I haven't decided how much of my crafty stuff I'm keeping and how much I need to just get rid of. I may take a bucket of scrapbooking stuff to Lauren. And I may have a huge white farmhouse table up for grabs, if the original owner doesn't want it. It's been my craft table, and is a bit worn from it. I just don't have room to keep it. And the ancient sewing machine that my grandma gave my mom, then my mom gave to me, as they upgraded to reasonably newer models. I even have the instruction booklet. It's from the 70's. I kept telling myself I was going to learn to sew and use it for quilting, but I'm fairly certain if I ever get around to that I'll just go drop a hundred bucks at Walmart on a new one!

Where To Start

We have to clean out the room we've been using as an office/storage/home of the elliptical machine. More importantly, we need to clean it out before we go visit Lauren and Ed in July, since we plan to haul a van load of baby stuff home with us and need a place to put it all.

In order to clean out the office, we have to make room in the extra bedroom to put the stuff we don't want to throw out. There's not as much stuff in there, but the closet it full and the bed is covered in the maternity clothes people have given me that I've sorted through but haven't found a permanent home for yet. And of course I have multiple bridesmaid dresses that will never be worn again.. And then there are the shoes that breed under the bed in there...

In order to find a home for the clothes and shoes, I desperately need to clean out my closet, which still mostly contains the work clothes I haven't worn since February. Some of it I can still use, but most of it I don't need at all at this point. I have a lot of dress clothes and suits that need a new home. Greg has a lot of clothes that need a new home. I could easily start my own thrift store with all the stuff I need to get rid of!

So, I guess I start in our closet, then the back bedroom, then maybe I can get to the office eventually. I can't actually move much of the stuff in there anyway, the boxes and furniture are too heavy. But if I make room somewhere else, Greg can move it all easily enough. Now to get started. After I take a shower. And maybe get a nap...

It's Done

Remember in my last post when I said there were two things I could post about one of them would just tick me off? Well, that problem's been solved so I can talked about it without steam coming from my ears.

You see, driving home from hanging with my BFF Addyson on Wednesday, my car started losing power again. Yes, this is exactly the same problem we were having with it two months ago when I nearly set it on fire. Dad and my brother worked on it and replaced some things and it had run fine, until this week when it nearly left me stranded at Hwy 80 and Gallatin Street.

For those of you not from around here, Hwy 80 and Gallatin is not somewhere you want to be stranded. EVER.

I knew righ then that I was done with it. Done. I wasn't starting this fight again. If replacing the alternator and battery didn't fix it, and it waited two months to do this again, then I was going to spend the rest of it's sorry life on edge waiting for it to happen again. Uh uh. I'm done with it.

The really painful part of this story is that because we just bought the Camry at the end of January, we hadn't built up enough extra cash to pay for another car outright, which means payments. **shudder** I hate payments. We've gone 11 months debt free. This was hard, people. For once my nausea had nothing to do with Tater Tot. But I sucked it up, it had to be done. So we spent a couple of days research what to buy and ended up buying... a mini van.

What??? Yep, I went from looking at compacts on Wednesday to a Honda Odyssey in my carport. But it's pretty nice, I like it, the price was right, and dude, it has this awesome windshield wiper on the back window. I nearly wrecked driving it home last night when I realized I'd accidentally turned it on. Cooooool. And little cubbies all over the place. And lots of cup holders. (And yes, it drives very smooth and has low mileage and all that stuff that's actually important when buying a car!) My only problem with it is that, like the Camry, it doesn't have an antenna. Where am I going to put my antenna hats???

Anyway, here was the shocking part about the transaction. When they ran our financing options they came back with the two best offers. The first one was like 6.75%, which I thought was a little high (we'd already been pre-approved at 5% through our Credit Union) but the second best offer was over 11%. Seriously??? I know it's been a loooooong time since I financed a car, but I thought rates were going down? 11% was absurd. I was very glad we'd made the effort to get preapproved. We'll go Tuesday and to the check from the credit union, and hopefully get this sucker paid off in under a year. I just hope the tag and insurance don't require another loan!

Mostly Dead

Of the two things I could post about tonight, I'm choosing to go with the funny one, because the less funny one just ticks me off again.

Remember the Billy Crystal scene from Princess Bride where he proclaims that Westley isn't dead, he's just "mostly dead?"

Jennifer and Rob have this fish. I think his name is Oscar but I could be making that up so I'll just call him Fish. Anyway, Fish is huge. As in, big enough that Rob used to feed him goldfish until I talked Fish into going vegetarian. (True story - there's still one goldfish in his tank left from when I talked to him while they were on their honeymoon two and a half years ago.) I don't know exactly how old Fish is, but we'll just say he's rather elderly.

Today while I was hanging with BFF Addyson I couldn't help but notice that fish was hanging out at the top of the tank and not moving much. I didn't think twice about it, he's not exactly active on a good day. Later in the day I noticed he still hadn't moved and went to check on him. He wasn't moving at all. His fins weren't stirring water, his gills weren't moving, and he was floating at the top of the tank in the same spot he'd been in all day.

Umm...

So first I sent Greg a text that said, "I think I killed the fish!" Then I sent Jen a text warning her that I didn't think Fish was with us anymore. Moments later she walked in the door, checked on Fish, and agreed that they had a former fish. Meanwhile Rob gets home and the first words out of my mouth were, "I didn't do it!" He was confused. Jen explained that Fish appeared to have expired. About this time I glanced over at the tank and screamed something that I'm sure was inappropriate. Fish was no longer floating in his all-day spot. He had perked up, swam over to the other side of the tank and was waiting for a snack.

WHAT??

Rob said that Fish likes to sleep during the day. I'm saying I went and checked on him and the fishy wasn't breathing. Jen walked in the door, the fishy wasn't breathing. Rob walks in the same door minutes later, the fishy was up and cutting flips. I dunno people. I don't know.

Today

Happy 40th anniversary to my in-laws!

That's a really long time to put up with somebody on purpose.

Tidbits

Ok, my life has become way too unexciting, I have nothing interesting enough to be a post on its own. Instead, a few tidbits:

- I'm quite sad that my sister-in-law has officially decided not to move back to Mississippi this summer. I was looking forward to her and our nephew being around more, and I know she was looking forward to hanging with Tater Tot. Life happens. Hopefully we'll get to visit her in Texas next year. What's more painful, flying with a six month old or driving to San Antonio? Hmm.

- I have enough educational material about healthy pregnancy to start my own non-profit. Piles of it. From my doc, from the hospital, from my insurance company... In other Tot related news, I haven't been sick in over a week. That doesn't mean I haven't wanted to, but rather that the nausea hasn't gotten that far. I'll take what I can get.

- Pups are the funniest things ever. Molly, who I have on good authority has never once played with a pup toy in her life, discovered Casper's stash of toys last night and pounced on a squeak. After going to town on that, she grabbed his tug rope and started playing tug all by herself. She rolled onto her back, grabbed one end in her mouth and the other with her feet. If I hadn't been laughing so hard and sitting on Casper to keep him from freaking out, I'd have gotten video. She's hysterical.

- A guy was supposed to come by the house Saturday morning to talk to us about cutting the grass. Anybody want to take bets on whether or not he showed up? Seriously, what is it about my yard? Speaking of which, guess what I'm planning to do a little later this afternoon?

Pup Alert System

Let me start by explaining what the standard emergency alert system is in our house. At night, when we're asleep and the bedroom door is closed, Casper will rarely make a point to scratch on the door and whine, bumping the door if that doesn't work. Occasionally he'll bump it hard enough to knock it open. This emergency alert is only allowed for urgent emergencies, which normally means an emergency potty break is desperately needed. Or the house is on fire.

This afternoon Casper initiated the emergency alert system. What the heck? After convincing myself to get out of bed I opened the door and asked him what was up. Surely, the house must be on fire. What was the urgent emergency? He took me directly to the living room. Molly, my pup-in-law who is visiting for the next week, had decided to take a nap on the forbidden couch. (Note, Molly has no idea that the couch is forbidden.) Yes, Casper woke me up to tattle on the other dog.

What I'm choosing to take away from this is that we have instilled in our pup that knowledge that being on the forbidden couch is equally as bad as a house fire and pooping on the floor.

Cleaning

I've started cleaning house again this week, for the first time since I left my job in March. Yes, that's a bit embarrassing, but it's hard to clean house when you barely feel like standing up. I've basically been trying to keep laundry and dishes under control and ignoring the rest of it. This is the first week I've felt almost human, as long as I get a nap in at some point during the day.

So I'm taking baby steps. Monday I vacuumed (which required actually finding the floor first). Wednesday I started working on finding the kitchen counters. Today I'm tackling bathrooms. I had to text Greg earlier and ask him if we could make some reallocations in the budget so I could spend a little cash on some items for the house. Like replacing my swiffer that just fell apart and the really nasty bathroom rug. Maybe tomorrow I can make a run to Walmart for those and some decent cleaning supplies. I really don't need to be inhaling any more bleach cleaner.

In between these small goals I've been contemplating the massive task of moving all the crap in our office into the back bedroom so that at some point we can make a home for Tater Tot. After digging around in the office some yesterday I don't think it's going to be quite the nightmare I'd originally thought, but it is going to require a lot of time and work in both rooms to consolidate. Thankfully most of the stuff we wanted to keep was organized and at least boxed up the last time we cleaned out the office, so it's just a matter of finding room for it and moving the furniture. I would give just about anything for an attic right now, but alas, maybe in our next house! I'm trying to give myself plenty of time so I can work on it a little as I go and not freak out at the last minute when we start to get baby stuff and not have anywhere to put it. I've already instated a rule with the grandmothers that whatever stuff they buy has to stay at their houses, at least until I make some room.

In other news, we're going to have a special house guest next week. Molly, my in-laws' cocker spaniel, will be staying with us again starting tomorrow. Casper's so excited he's in a coma on the couch. Should be fun!

What Will It Be?

Ok, so I've dug up quite a few myths about determining baby gender and wanted to share the results. I found it interesting that between the comments on the last post here and my question posed on Facebook, the results were pretty much split down the middle. So here's what the "experts" think:

Heartbeat - the rumor is that if the heartbeat is above 140 it's a girl, under 140 it's a boy. Tot's has ranged from 153-170. That one says girl.

Weight Gain - No, not mine. The rumor is that if your husband puts one weight during pregnancy it's a girl, if not it's a boy. Um, well, that would be another vote for girl.

Morning sickness - if you have a lot of morning sickness in the first trimester, it's supposed to be a sign of a girl. Little sickness is a sign of a boy. Heh. I think we all know the answer to that one at this point! One more vote for a girl.

Cold feet - cold feet are supposed to signify a boy, while warm feet suggest a girl. My feet have always been cold, so I guess this one gets a vote for a boy!

Ring on a string - Yes, I even tried the old tie your ring on a string and hold it over your tummy test. To be honest, it didn't really move. Hmmm. We manipulated it a little and it sorta swung bath and forth. Another vote for a boy.

Boobage - Apparently if the right boob grows larger than the left, it's a boy. Errr. Hard to say, but I'll go with a vote for boy on this one.

Cravings - the rumor is that cravings for salt mean it's a boy while cravings for sweets mean it's a girl. Guess we'll have to wait on this one. The only thing I crave is to not be sick anymore!

So what about the Chinese Gender Chart? This one is based on the Chinese lunar calendar and the age of the mother at the time of conception, and I've been told time and time again that it's never wrong. Except I'm not entirely sure which "month of conception" they actually want. The traditional 40 week pregnancy starts counting with "conception" at the first day of the mother's last period, when in fact conception actually takes place several weeks later. Um, that would be two different months in this case. Which one to use? Yeah, I tried both. One said girl, one said boy. Nice. I also found one chart that also gave you the percentage chance of having a boy or girl, and for both dates it gave me 50/50. Hmmm. So then I found another one that said it's based on your Chinese age, which is apparently different from what we consider our "real" age. My Chinese age calculated to 34, as opposed to the 33 I actually was at the time. This changed both results, the one that had formerly said boy now said girl and vice versa. What the heck???

There's also a myth that involves urine and Drano, but I'm sooo not going there...

So what does all of that mean? It's a tie. There are several I can't actually determine yet, as I'm not really showing enough to determine how I'm carrying. There is a possible tie breaker. This isn't one I found online, but one that I was informed of Friday night at Relay for Life. Clucky said if my rear end expanded, it would be a girl. She took one look and informed me we were definitely having a girl. Umm..... =)

Predictions

To be honest, I haven't put much thought into Tater Tot's gender until yesterday. Oh, I've had people ask and I've had people suggest, but I mostly answered the "what would you like to have" questions with, "As long as I stop throwing up, I don't care..." And that's true. I don't much care. But now that we're five weeks away from the big reveal, I'm getting curious.

I've done a little research into the myths about predicting gender, but I'm not willing to share those results just yet. First, I'm curious as to your predictions. What do you think Tot's going to be/should be? I've had requests in both directions, so somebody's going to end up disappointed!

I'll be out of pocket for most of the weekend, but maybe next week I'll share some of the results from the old wives tale tests. It's pretty darn interesting. In five week's we'll see who's right, and how many myths proved true!

Tater Tot Update

Went to the doctor today and all is well. I gained two pounds, which is great. Well, it brings me up to a gain of only 1 pound overall in four months, but it beats losing more! Good thing I started drinking two Boost nutrition drinks a day after my last visit or I'd probably have dropped another 5 pounds or so. Doc was a little concerned that I don't seem to be retaining much nutrition, but I'm doing the best I can at the moment. I'm at 14 weeks, 3 days today. We'll go back on June 10, which happens to be my mom's birthday, for more pictures and to see if we can determine pink or blue.

More importantly, I got permission to eat at Keifers. Which I will be doing ASAP!

A Classic Moment

I wasn't going to admit this because it really is rather embarrassing, but I find myself whining enough around here lately that I figure if I don't give you the opportunity to laugh at me you'll all leave me, so...

I'm driving home from the grocery store today and go to take a drink of my milkshake (which I used to bribe myself into going to the grocery store in the first place) and because I'm a good driver who was watching the road (or my cell phone) I grabbed the wrong cup without looking and took a big gulp.

Let me just say I don't even remember the last time I ate at Back Yard Burger, and the age of the drink that was left in my car may have to be carbon dated to be confirmed. NASTY. It was so bad I couldn't even identify what it used to be, although I'm sure at some point it had to have been sweet tea, since that's all I ever drink there. When I got home I poured it out in the yard and the stench was enough to run off the wildlife. Blech blech spit bleeeeech.

I need a taste bud transplant.

Memo to My Neighbors

Dear Neighbors,

Yes, my grass has finally been cut. It may have taken me five days to finish once I started, but you're lucky I cut it at all. No, I have no current plans to use a weedeater, although I'm considering buying a giant bucket of Roundup and letting Greg go to town with it next week. (No, honey, you can't spray all the grass in the yard... then again...)

To Neighbor Bill - yes, I tossed a couple of extra pine cones into your yard. I never would have thought about it if you hadn't accused me of doing it last week. Thanks for the suggestion, it saved me some time raking. (Which reminds me - Jen, I met the new sleepover friend last week. Really nice lady. We've started the countdown, I give her two weeks TOPS.)

To the guy with the giant mower cutting my neighbors grass this morning - I hate you. I know you can't get that huge thing through my gate, but do you have to show off, riding around on it in leisure while the pregnant lady pushes the crappy little lawn mower across the street? I could finish my entire yard in ten minutes on that thing.

Party Down

I've come to the conclusion that Tater Tot threw one heck of a party Saturday night, because I was feeling the hangover on Sunday.

I don't think I've had a day that bad since we came home from Disney. Between the migraine and the nausea I spent most of the day curled up in a ball in tears. The only thing I can take for the headaches is Tylenol, and that doesn't help when it won't stay down.

I only had 3 things I wanted to accomplish this weekend. I wanted to finish cutting the grass (I got most of the back yard cut Friday). I had been waiting all week to go see the new X Men movie on Saturday afternoon. And I was very excited about going to a baby shower in Polaski for a cousin on Sunday.

Wanna guess how much of that I managed? Zero. Zip. None of it. Blech.

The Derby

I'm more than a little disturbed by the TV promos for today's horse race which read, "The Kentucky Derby" followed by, "YUM!"

Ummm.... please tell me they aren't suggesting that the horses are tasty.

I'm hoping that the Derby is sponsored by YUM! Brands, the company that owns such places as KFC. That would make sense. But I'd feel a lot better seeing the KFC logo rather than YUM! next to the Derby logo.

Greg and I are watching the hockey game that's on directly before the Derby, so we've seen the promo a lot. We were discussing running some errands and he asked me if I needed to stay and watch the Derby first.

Me: "NO! I'm really afraid they're going to eat the horses after the race!"
Greg: "Only the ones that don't win..."

Symptomatic

So after at least six dozen jokes about the swine flu (yes, we should take this more seriously, we just can't help ourselves) I decided to actually look up the symptoms.

Fever. Lethargy. Loss of appetite. Runny nose. Nausea/vomiting.

Soooo.... pregnancy with fever? Dude, I'm only a few degrees away from having the swine flu!

Luckily I ate bacon at lunch yesterday, so I should have immunities.*

*Eating bacon does not give you immunity from the swine flu. We were just making that up during one of the six dozen jokes about it. Seriously, don't go eating bacon and then sue me if you get it anyway. It was a joke.