Darkness

There are things I can't talk about in the daylight.

Like how my mom's cancer is back.

But it's dark and I've been awake since 3am anyway.

She was declared cancer free for 5 years this past December. She started getting weird fevers and illnesses in January.

Last week she had another PET scan that showed two suspicious areas, one near her liver and one near the spleen.

This week they are doing the biopsy and getting results on Friday.

But everybody has already moved past that and started thinking about treatment. Even her oncologist, who is basically waiting to see which type of cell it is to determine what's next.

I don't want her to have to do this again. It's too much. And it's not fair.

And I can't think about it because if I do I'm afraid it'll crush me.

And now the sun's coming up so I have to pretend it's not happening again and hope I sleep tomorrow night.