The Crazy Lady

I want to be my mom when I grow up. If there was a 12 step program on how to be Carlene, I'd buy it. For those that don't know her, here's Mom:



And that's Mom's original hair. We haven't seen Mom's original hair since January, when it went on hiatus, but if I can remember I'll try to get a picture of her new, chemo-resistant hair when we visit this weekend. (Ok, so we haven't tested the chemo-resistant part, but let's just take my word for it and not actually test the theory, ok?)

For those who don't know, my dear mother has spent the past 9 months or so showing cancer who's boss and kicking it's butt back to the stone age. If it had just asked I could have told it that it didn't stand a chance. Hey, the woman's been married to my dad for like 40 years, dealing with cancer ain't nothing! (Just kidding, Dad! Love you!) She's been cancer free since May, but goes back to the doc later this month for another PET (no, she's not replacing the cat, she's having the scan) and to have another discussion about radiation therapy to go ahead and kill the thyroid to avoid any possible return. That sounds simple enough, but my understanding is that the radiation could actually be tougher than the chemo at this point, which would suck now that's she's feeling so much better. Whatever she decides to do, I know she'll do it with style. She rocks that way. From the first day she was diagnosed she's said, "Hey, we'll do this God's way and make the best of it." And she did. Sometimes life sucks really really hard, but Mom used it as an excuse to tell everybody who asked that she was going to get through it by means of God's help and no other. So yeah, it was a tough road, but if she managed to get somebody's attention though her positive attitude and constant faith, then I guess we see that God does work through adversity from time to time. And I'll thank Him for every extra day I have with the Crazy Lady.

Anyway, all of that just to say that I know quite a few people who read this have been asking me for updates on her, and I'll let you know what's going on after her next PET.

5 Things - Space Travel

5 Really Dumb Things I've Done While Not Medicated
to remind me why I should be good and take the meds.

Not in any order, if they were in order #3 would probably be first.

1. Left the eye on the stove lit for over 24 hours while Greg was out of town
2. Left the front door of the house wide open when leaving for work (this was when Jen and I lived at the duplex and she got home first that afternoon and called me freaked out because there had been an intruder at the house, because the door was wide open...)
3. Dated the last boy I dated in college
4. Got lost. Everywhere. Dad likes to say I can get lost in my own house, which is a little too close to true.
5. Worked the first 4 years at the bank


I'm sure there are several people reading this who could add to the list (Jen could write a novel on it) so please, feel free to make additions in the comments. I need the encouragement to actually get back on the meds! (I'm not moderating comments, so you shouldn't have to have an account to post.)

Life In Space

I hate doctors. No, not the ones I work for. I like most of them. It's the ones I pay for medical care. Or in this case mental care. I had an appt with my head doc yesterday, the one that treats my ADD. Ok, hate is a strong word. He's probably just as frustrated with me as I am with him. I was dreading this visit. You see, I'm so sensitive to most meds that if I take anything for an extended period of time I usually end up feeling like crap from it. In the 4 years since I was diagnosed I've been on 5 different meds, and have ended up having bad interactions with all of them, sometimes after taking them without problem for months. This makes controlling ADD rather difficult and frustrating for everyone. This wouldn't be a big problem if the effects weren't things like not eating (for 3 months) and my pulse/blood pressure skyrocketing (in some cases almost doubling).

Well, this was that day where I had to put my foot down and tell my doc that we weren't messing with the dose anymore, I'm tired of feeling like crap. I'm tired of crashing into exhaustion; I'm tired of feeling nauseous all the time. At least I wasn't on the verge of having a stroke, like I was with the Adderall and Ritalin. The med I've been on for a year or so isn't a stimulant, so I haven't had the cardiac problems, which is the only reason I've suck with it so long! But frankly, I'm missing out on more when I feel so horrible than I do when I'm my normal space cadet. So 3 weeks ago I threw my hands up (again) and quit taking it. Completely. And suddenly I'm functioning, a little inefficiently, which is an improvement. I figured my doc would kill me. He hates it when I mess with my meds without telling him. He's convinced I'm going to kill myself in some freak accident if I'm not medicated during all waking hours. And ok, so maybe I did accidentally leave the eye on the stove turned on for 2 days while Greg was gone to Kansas, but I didn't actually burn the house down!

So we change to something brand new. Which, it turns out, is very similar to Adderall. Great. But he says it's a smaller dosage and better control and blah blah blah and if that doesn't work we'll try the Ritalin patch. I'd pretty much rather go back to work at the bank than take Ritalin again, but that's for another visit.

I dropped off the prescription today and of course it's new so they have order it, but I should have it tomorrow, so I can start it on Thursday. Yippee. In a way, I'm dreading it. I'm physically and mentally miserable when I'm on the meds, but I can't function like a normal person without them. This sucks. I'll stop griping now. Things could be worse, I know this, but after four years of fighting this, I'm tired. Really really tired.

UPDATE:

Apparently yesterday when the pharmacist said, "We'll have it in tomorrow," what she MEANT to say was, "We'll have it in sometime after noon on Friday..." Gee thanks. All pumped up for NOTHING. No, I'm not bitter.

5 Things - The Sandman Version

5 Things I've Done to Try to Get to Sleep for the Past 3 Nights:

1. Nice cup of warm chocolate milk before bed
2. Counting backwards from 100, repeatedly
3. NOT taking that fabulous nap I wanted so desperately when I got home from work
4. Blankets on, blankets off, blankets on, blankets off
5. Benadryl

How many of these things worked? Zero. Not one. Which means tomorrow, for the third day in a row, will suck. I like to sleep. Really like it. And it irritates me when I can't. What's worse is that when I have this much trouble getting to sleep, I usually end up having really bizarre dreams and wake up off and on the rest of the night. Like last night, when I dreamed that I was being chased by the evil Transformers and was hiding out in a shoe store looking for weapons to use against them. Come to think of it, maybe that's why my brain won't go to sleep. It's afraid of more weird dreams. I'm not looking forward to work tomorrow.

Camp Rainbow

I couldn't find a link to this, so I'm lifting it right off of the American Cancer Socity email newsletter. Please don't sue me/put me in jail. It's about the summer camp they have for kids who are cancer survivors. Sam, the doctor in the article, is the brother of my friend Mary Katherine, and my friend Jennifer has been very active with Camp Rainbow over the past 7 or 8 years. Jen's the one who sent me the newsletter article. I figure it's worth a plug, the camp is a great service for the kids who go. And anybody who knows me knows that I've seen cancer touch a lot of lives, and anything we can do to make things a little sunnier for surviors deserves support!

from the American Cancer Society email In Touch newsletter dtd 07/2007:

Camp Rainbow from a Doctor's Perspective

Dr. Sam Cole graduated from the University of Mississippi Medical Center last year. He now often works 30 hour shifts, constantly studies to keep up with modern medicine, and still must find time to eat, sleep, and enjoy life outside the hospital. And yet, for the second year, he has made time to volunteer at the American Cancer Society's Camp Rainbow.

Although Sam does bandage the occasional scraped knee or elbow at camp, he says the best part of being there is that it gives him a break from being surrounded by the medical world. "During med school, I did a weeklong rotation in the cancer clinic. Some campers were actually in the clinic during my time there, so I've seen them as very sick patients in a hospital, and also as regular kids at summer camp. Camp isn't 'medical' for sure, and that's one of the great things about it," he says.

Camp is a learning experience for the counselors as much as the campers, he says. "The kids inspire me because I see the positive results of modern medicine and what someone in my field is doing. I'm not a pediatric oncologist, but I hope that I can provide the same kind of care to my patients in a different setting," said Cole.

Sam fondly speaks of the Camp Rainbow campers as if they are the counselors, not him. "Life as a teenager and 'tweenager' is hard enough. Seeing the kids at camp leading somewhat normal lives makes my daily issues seem pretty small. They really encourage me to do good, and take care of my patients the best that I can."

Sam hopes that his busy schedule will allow him to continue volunteering for the American Cancer Society. "Being at Camp Rainbow teaches you something about the human spirit. You see that doctors are not just treating generic patients in the hospital or in medical school -- they are real people with real lives who do things like go to summer camp," he says. "They teach me to remember that all of my patients are real people too."

To learn more about volunteering with Camp Rainbow, please contact the American Cancer Society at 1-800-ACS-2345.