Pick Your Poison

Since I know I have a rather varied readership, I thought I'd give everybody some options for laughing at me today:

1. Gee, apparently I wasn't imagining things when I though I heard the sound of ripping fabric this morning as I sat down in my office. Thankfully, it was only the lining of my pants that ripped completely down the back. Might I add "one of only two pair of nice, expensive pants that I own, which probably match the value of the rest of my wardrobe combined." I can only hope the outer seam holds up for the rest of the day. Unfortuantely, this is not my first ride in this rodeo.

2. As a follow up to yesterday's anniversary post, where I suggested a relationship bewteen the night Greg and I met and this post. You see, we had started out with a plan for a group outing to see a midnight movie release but in the end there were only 3 of us dorky enough to actually go to a midnight release on a Thursday night: me, Greg, and our mutual friend Mel. Mel and I had seen several midnight releases together over the years, so this wasn't unusual for us.

We left the movie at approximately 3 AM and were walking across the dark parking lot when I suddenly disappeared into the night. Greg, who had known me for all of like 3 minutes and didn't yet realize that I'm freaking magical, became concerned and expressed his barely pre-panic concern to Mel, who had known me for years and was actually the person who pushed me to get my ADD medicated. Mel's response was, "Eh, she went looking for her car. She'll find it eventually." Sure enough, I'd suddenly realized that I had no idea where I'd parked and had gone in search of my car. I just forgot to tell them I was going. Rumor had it Greg was a little freaked out by this until he actually got to know me. Thus, the car locators, which we refer to as Hidden Mickeys, since they're usually some form of Mickey Mouse antenna toppers.*

3. Greg's family will appreciate this one: Last night I was munching on a can of mixed nuts when I made the mistake of reading the label and noticed the ingredients included peanuts, cashews, Brazil nuts, filberts, and pecans.

Me: What's filbert?
Greg: (Googling "filbert") It's the cousin of the hazelnut, only smaller.
Me: (digging through nuts to pull out a filbert) I thought those were hazelnuts.
Greg: They mostly the same thing. They're cousins.
Me: That'd be like me being married to Benji...
(Silence)
Me: I was going to go to bed, but now I'm afraid I just gave myself nightmares.

I'd just like to point out that one definition of "filbert" from Wikipedia is:

Slang: a lunatic; an individual wholly unhinged; predominant neurotic tendencies (e.g., "a nut").

I will let you draw your own conclusions.


* I also later found out that the day before we actually met he had told someone else that he had found the woman he was going to marry. This was due to a comment in an email we were circulating while making plans for the movie, in which I called the man, who I had never met, a crack monkey. I would like to point out that my original assessment was correct. He has since repeatedly told people, "She had me at crack monkey."