Memo to My Neighbors

Dear Neighbors,

Yes, my grass has finally been cut. It may have taken me five days to finish once I started, but you're lucky I cut it at all. No, I have no current plans to use a weedeater, although I'm considering buying a giant bucket of Roundup and letting Greg go to town with it next week. (No, honey, you can't spray all the grass in the yard... then again...)

To Neighbor Bill - yes, I tossed a couple of extra pine cones into your yard. I never would have thought about it if you hadn't accused me of doing it last week. Thanks for the suggestion, it saved me some time raking. (Which reminds me - Jen, I met the new sleepover friend last week. Really nice lady. We've started the countdown, I give her two weeks TOPS.)

To the guy with the giant mower cutting my neighbors grass this morning - I hate you. I know you can't get that huge thing through my gate, but do you have to show off, riding around on it in leisure while the pregnant lady pushes the crappy little lawn mower across the street? I could finish my entire yard in ten minutes on that thing.