This post is brought to you by the letter Q, the number 7, and my dear brother who let me break into his house and steal his internet while I have some downtime between the bridal brunch and wedding rehearsal.
I'm feeling particularly attention deficit today and the timing sucks. Most days I manage fine, but every now and then I have one of these days where I know the meds are working mostly because I'm acutely aware of how how poorly I'm functioning. On days I'm not medicated it doesn't bother me as much because I hardly notice it.
My biggest problem today is the sheer number of people that I've never met before that want to carry on coherent conversations. Normally this isn't a problem on the meds. Today, I'm having trouble finding words. Like, normal words. I'll get halfway through a sentence and forget the word I wanted to say. It's in my head I just can't get it out, so I stand there pausing for 10-15 seconds while I try to come up with something. Same thing with getting places. I know where I'm going, but all of the sudden I have to stop and think hard about turning right or left. I just can't seem to get myself together today. These are times when I want to hide. I don't want to be around people because I'm afraid I'm going to do or say something totally crazy. It's like watching yourself in slow motion; like you're yelling the obvious answers at the TV but the actor can't hear you. I'm hoping that taking this break and being still for a couple of hours will help.
I suppose it's better to do this today rather than tomorrow, which will be ten times as crazy! Lets just hope I can get through the rehearsal and remember my instructions. After that Greg will be here for the dinner, so that will help. He tends to be able to help me pull it back together, or at least ward off the meltdown that follows. If this spills over into tomorrow, getting through the wedding without a breakdown will be one of the hardest things I've had to do in a long time.
...And no sooner than I typed that I got a call from the bride asking me to run a big errand, which I am absolutely more than happy to do for her. I should be able to be still for another 30 minutes or so before I need to leave, so hopefully I can decompress. This is such a huge weekend for her, I absolutely will NOT be stupid. I need to write myself a note on the inside of my hand - "Shut up and stand in the back."
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4 comments:
Sometimes we all need to pull away and regroup. Hope everything works out well for you (and the wedding party, of course) this weekend.
Boy I could think of things for you to write on your note, but since I am feeling compassionate for you today, I'll let it slide..
Oh tell Greg to get ready, Ill be home after Christmas and plan on stopping by. Anyway ya'll can buy a ping pong table? :)
I hope things go well for you (and the entire bridal party) this weekend.
Luckily my insanity did not make a repeat visit on Saturday and despite general wedding insanity, we got them married and kept everybody happy. Now I need about a week off to recover.
And Benji - we could buy a ping pong table, but we'd have to set it up out in the yard! Believe me, we've had this discussion at least two dozen times. Same with the air hockey table. There just ain't room!
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