This Day In History

November 7, 1971

When our country woke up November 7, 1971 there was no way for it to fully understand the impact this day would have. Things were "normal" for 1971. Nixon was in the White House, a war was raging overseas, and the Grateful Dead were playing the Harding Theater in San Francisco. Gas was 40 cents a gallon, and an average new home cost $25,000. It was the year Walt Disney World opened. But on November 7th, the 311th day of 1971, something bigger happened.

Who could have imagined that on this day a child born at Mercy Hospital in Vicksburg would grow to become the voice of the redneck community; the poster child for "Hey ya'll, watch this!" In the years to come he would become a legend in his own mind.

He is creator of the pre-break, post-break, pre-lunch, post-lunch work schedule. He is arguably the first certified redneck (CRN) to ride on a private company jet while wearing loafers, and suffered the brutal calls of "Yuppie!" from those closest to him. He was also the first CRN to blow off a professional conference to ride a San Francisco trolley all day in search of answers to the age old question, "Do those little slats of wood really act as a brake for this thing?"

He is a role model to the youth of the community, teaching them the proper way to hide chocolate so that if one stash if found, half a dozen others would remain safe; teaching them the best way to construct potato guns and to contain experiments that will undoubtedly result in explosions.

He is an unstoppable political activist, well known for having staged numerous coups at the home of his grandparents, where he declared himself the favorite and hid all pictures of potential competition from view. He demands respect from those around him, as well as demanding not only the most Christmas gifts under the tree, but also the largest and most prettily wrapped.

He is a man of great sacrifice, driving across the state to rescue a damsel in distress with a flat tire on County Line Road in the middle of the night, and again to remove a dead frogs from the home of a panicked loved one. He has been a long standing volunteer with Habitat for Susan, completing numerous construction projects for the home repair incompetent.

He is a man of great talent, with the ability to move the entire contents of an apartment in one pickup truck, repeatedly, even without the aid of beer. He can remove tree limbs with a single jump from a ladder and cry of "YEEEEEE HAW!" without fracturing a collarbone or arm. He can race a studebaker faster than a tree-light can turn green.

Even during his teenage years he showed signs of greatness, undertaking top secret covert operations in the middle of the night, putting his own life in danger by climbing from his bedroom window via rope, and later facing the ultimate sacrifice by climbing back up the rope and through the window, only to find himself ambushed by the enemy, his own father. And yet, he survived to sneak out another day; to fight for the freedom of high school students everywhere.

Yes, I speak of that notorious monster truck owner, Bill.

Since I cannot officially wish my big brother a happy birthday today* I wanted to at least recognize the importance of this date. Today marks the anniversary of a true day of infamy, a day to be revered by Miller Brewing Company, and pillars of the dirt road communities everywhere.

*Due to improper procedure** in filing for birthday status, normal happy birthday recognition cannot be offered.

**Proper procedure for official birthday status includes the compiling of a birthday gift wish list and filing said list with the requesting parties at least 24 hours prior to midnight on the anniversary of the birth which is to be celebrated. If proper procedure is not followed, said birthday cannot be recognized and there will be no acknowledgement of any parties planned heretowith.